I have been a chiropractor for 28 years and every day, I witness the wear and tear of arthritis and the gradual deterioration of my patients (as well as myself).  Body parts break down, things start to leak and sag, and growths occur in places where we can hardly imagine.  I have been observing and pondering the aging process for many years and I believe I have stumbled upon a grand idea that may help people accept their aging with grace and humor.

You have undoubtedly heard of some of the names that have been used to describe various generations:

The Baby Boomers, the Pepsi Generation…

You may also remember the use of letters to define different generations:

Generation X and Generation Y…

Well, I have discovered and coined a new generation:

The D-Generation

The D-Generation:  describes all of us who are breaking down, stovin’ up, falling apart, and wearing out.  We are the masses of humanity who are slowly deteriorating due to the wear and tear process of aging or DEGENERATION.  The simple fact is: we are all members of the D-Generation—whether we want to be or not.  I now lovingly refer to myself and the other members of the D-Generation as D-Generates.

D-Generate (de jen’ ər ut):

• One who is breaking down, wearing out, falling apart
• An old codger, coot, fart or geezer
• An informed and inspired member of the D-Generation

 

Ode to D-Generates

by James G. Halvorson, DC, D-GE (D-Generate Extraordinaire)

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As I think of getting older

I feel that ache start in my shoulder.

And when my knees begin to pain

Within two days, it starts to rain.

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My neck creaks now like rusty hinges.

My hip pops too and gives me twinges.

Barnacles, bunions, becoming warty,

I feel the need for W-D 40.

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My hairline’s gone, my memory t00.

My back is out, but nothing new.

My heart is weak, my pants too tight,

My teeth are fake and don’t fit right.

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I haven’t been to the Falls, Niagra

But I’ve fallen in love with the drug, Viagra.

Prostate problems make me dribble

But what the heck, I hate to quibble.

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And when I hobble past a mirror

I wonder, “Who’s that stranger there?”

Drooping, sagging, wrinkled me

I’ve lost the war with gravity.

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As I’m reminded of my years

I can’t hold back the flood of tears.

Despite my age, I cannot hide

The fact I feel real young inside.

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My spirit’s strong, the smile, the flare,

The twinkle in my eye’s still there.

And wisdom, like a giant tree,

Has grown up high inside of me.

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The blocks of life, I’ve been around.

I’ve learned a lot from life I’ve found.

Despite the fact my body’s slowin’

By God, I’ll try to keep on goin’!